June 14, 2023
It is a day past the four month post op mark. And today I am going in for my second and final surgery. Undergoing a mastectomy and reconstruction is definitely a process, but so is radiation and chemo. Treating cancer takes time, even when the cancer is gone there is still ongoing treatment to get you to your new normal. Today they are going to swap out the expanders (or as I have been calling them, the temporary titties) with the more permanent implants (my foobs). I am also having fat grafting done, to help make everything look more natural. Again, I never really wanted to get implants. I always liked my breasts, so to anyone who says I got new boobs out of this, screw you. Sorry that sounds harsh, but it is how I feel. I want my soft boobs, with my nipples that have feeling. What I didn’t want was cancer, radiation or hormone suppressors, so this is what I get.
As I have been approaching this surgery, I have been feeling fine. But now as I write this, I realize that there are still many emotions running rampant. I am grateful to be at this stage in my reconstruction, as these expanders are not the most comfortable things. They are hard, the stitches pull, and sleeping on my side is uncomfortable. Thankfully this surgery is outpatient and I get to go home later this afternoon. That makes all my boys feel better. Me too.
August 8th, 2023
As I re-read my last, quick post, I get emotional. This last surgery was supposed to be the easiest. And by all intents and purposes, it really was. Almost too easy. The pain that I went through with the double mastectomy made this feel like a walk in the park. And that's what got me.
You see, by the time you become a wife and a mother, you feel like you have to be a superwoman. You have to be able to do it all. Be the perfect wife. The best mom. A good housekeeper. A friend that's there during the important times. All of the things. And when you are like that, and you PHYSICALLY feel FINE, you are going to try to do too much, because you want to alleviate the burden for your family. Because I felt like all they have been doing is taking care of me. And I hate feeling like an invalid, who can't carry her own weight. Which is why I overdid it.
My inability to sit still landed me on bed rest for two weeks. Ironic, right? I developed a seroma in my right breast. That is a build up of fluid around the implant. Along with that came a fever of 103 degrees. No fun at all. And of course this happened the week Dr. Malotky, my plastic surgeon, was on vacation. His MA’s Carly and Nicole received frantic calls from me, the most frantic after the fluid started leaking out of my incision. Freaking scary shit!! Thankfully, after two weeks of bed rest, 10 days of double antibiotics and an amazing medical team, the risk of infection or rejection of the implant was gone. I still had restrictions for another 3 weeks, and I definitely followed them! Note to self - always listen to your doctor!
August 23rd, 2023
I can say that the worst is finally over. The major procedures are done. The painful parts are over. All my restrictions have been lifted and I am back to all my normal activities. My foobs are soft and feel as close to my natural ones as they can get. They look pretty good too - nice and perky! I am still awaiting the procedure to recreate nipples, but that will be an in office procedure that will be a cake walk compared to everything else. I still do not have a lot of feeling - I can’t feel hot or cold, or anything other than pressure - which is incredibly weird! But the nerves in there will randomly fire off an unexpected twinge, which gives me hope that they are trying to grow back.
Emotions still come and go, and I know that will last a long time. Leaning on your loved ones and friends is incredibly important. Sharing stories, so that others can learn from each other, is helpful. If sharing my story and my journey can continue to help other women, then I know that I am doing the right thing. I pray for anyone who has been or is currently on this journey - there is strength in leaning on one another, especially through the challenges of life.
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